Mind Splurge Episode 8: G.O.A.T.

People often tell me that i'm too hard on myself. Even though it's true that i'm my own worst critic, I still expect a certain level of excellency from myself. I feel that i'm destined for greatness and if I don't exude that excellence I feel that i'm faking the funk, falling right off the pedestal that I prestigiously placed myself on. Very recently I stripped myself of undeserved titles such as "Writer, professional jazz drummer, dancer, poet, blogger, and magician". Sure i'm pretty decent at all of those things but I don't feel that I put enough time, dedication, and effort into those talents enough to be deserving of those self proclaimed titles. I'm am not a "writer", I write stories from time to time. I am not a "professional jazz drummer", I can play the set pretty good though. I am not a "dancer", even though I know a couple of routines. I am not a "Poet", I do do poems and stuff sometimes though. I am not a "Blogger", even though I do post some shit on here from time to time. I am not a "Magician", even though I do know a few good magic tricks. Until I decide to practice on the regular, put effort into making my crafts more unique and ground breaking than ever before, and decide to use these talents to reach a set goal, then i'm undeserving of the titles. Flat. I'm not one for redundancy, so if I create something amazing then the next thing that I decide to create has to be astronomical, I better myself every time. Period. The only way someone can say that my first was better than my last is if that someone was in a first mood at the time. I demand excellency from myself because I want to be the best at what I do. Isn't that what being the greatest is all about? With that being said, I often find myself scared to create. Scared to write new stories and poems, scared to sit down at the drums and play, or dance. Not scared to fail, but scared of what I may think of myself when I try these things. I feel like that kid at football practice that looks at his father every time after catching a pass just to see if he's proud. That same fear and same anxiousness is felt except instead of looking at my father, i'm looking at my inner self, afraid and anxious to look myself in the  inner eye out of fear of that disappointed scowl upon my brow. That feeling of not being good enough for me...